Look To The Sky

Tonight you will see a bright new star shining down on us all.

This isn't an ordinary star. This star's shine casts away negativity. It blocks out all anger and hatred. The light it casts knows only love, laughter and happiness. This star holds no grudges. It forgives easily and spreads out to embrace all with its warmth.

There are optimists, pessimists and realists in this world. And then there was Chirsty. It is hard to write of her because nothing I type out does her justice. It either seems too inflated or dull to match the real life version that I loved so much. It wasn't that she always planned on the best happening or prepared for the worst. She just loved. Everything, every minute, everybody.

I have never known anyone else to forgive so easily, to forget slights as if they never happened and to never, ever hold a grudge. She made it her mission to make people laugh. To make them happy. She was silly and goofy and honestly didn't give a damn what anyone thought of her.

She took life as it came and turned it into what she wanted it to be. She didn't talk about or focus on money or status. She didn't worry about who had more or went better places. She just lived her life and loved every minute of it. If someone did something amazing, went someplace cool, made a ton of money or bought a fancy object, she felt genuinely happy for them and was the first to shout it to the world.

When she was first diagnosed with cancer, I remember thinking that there was no way it could win. Her spirit shined too bright. I sat there thinking that there was no way Christy wouldn't continue to live as brightly as always. I was right. She lived with her cancer as if it wasn't anything at all. She wore funny shirts and spent her energy giving everyone around her hope and strength. She fell in love with the man of her dreams and married him. She travelled. She got involved with raising awareness about colon cancer and was a beautiful model for the calendar. She loved, laughed and smiled through all the pain, fear and hurt. When her skin rebelled against the chemo and all her hair fell out she took it in stride. As she always did.

I am heart broken that my friend is no longer with me. That our journey together has come to an end for now. Like it has been from the beginning, she has led the way to the next chapter before me and I am left in her wake until it is my time to catch up. I know she struggled at the end and now her pain is eased, her fears no more and her fight over. But I still miss her. I still want to see that bright smile and hear her kind and funny words. It is ironic that the one person who could cheer so many up is the only person not around to do so any longer.

I am fortunate that I have so many wonderful memories to rely on. While I have only a very few pictures of our time spent together, my mind is filled with the images of a youth spent exploring our small town and laughing. Always, always laughing.

Goodbye my dear friend. I will think of you often and know that you are still here with me, reminding me to lighten up, forgive others and live my life to the fullest. Take care, rest easy and I will look for you in the night sky.

My favorite song and one that always has made me think of you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good


I love you Christy Joyce. Rest easy. No wait, give them Hell up there!!