Irrational Fear

I want to do something. I've actually wanted to do it for a long time. Only problem is that I have this fear that something is going to go horribly wrong if I do. Which is odd since I don't typically ever let fear stop me from doing anything. I am a jump right on in head first and figure it out as I go type of person.

What do I want to do?

I want to learn more about Gem's back ground. I found her registration papers a while back and I know where she began her life. I don't recall the name of the farm or the owner off the top of my head here at work, but it was listed clearly on the papers.

I could easily look it up, contact the breeder and see if she recalls the little filly. Heck, she may be happy to learn that one of her horses is now a 100 mile endurance horse with kick butt recoveries. Going one step farther, maybe I could even keep my eyes open for another horse of her line that could possibly have the same fitness characteristics, but perhaps a better attitude. It could be a great thing.

Look at that pudgy belly! Look at that massive butt! Look at the attitude! Yep, that has Gem written all over it. 

But I keep hesitating to do it. This is where the whole irrational part comes in. I purchased Gem from a 16 year old kid who had her in his front yard. I didn't ask and he didn't tell me where he got her from. I don't have any reason to believe anything nefarious occurred, but I am paralyzed from making the call because all I can think is that if I do and the breeder tells me she was stolen then I may lose her. I don't even think she could demand the horse back or anything, but every time I think about making the call my hands go all sweaty and I play out every possible scenario where I end up having to give Gem up for some reason.

I told you it was irrational. 

I don't know if I can get past it and make the call or not. I don't know if there would be any way that I would lose Gem, but my stomach ties up in knots just thinking about it. I'd rather be in the dark about her past than do something to send up a red flag and lose her. 

Irrational. I know. 

I just don't know how to get past it.